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Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
26 September 2016 @ 10:09 pm

"House. Leave a message."

Open for: text, email, voicemail, horrific late night calls, assorted action.
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
12 December 2011 @ 09:55 pm
I should have anticipated another mistletoe curse. Oh well. Who doesn't like the day after regret and feeling that you may have contracted some virus or another?

Be on the look out for Mono. Because that would be a Christmas present that keeps on giving. Or Hanukkah if that's how you go. In honor of Foreman I'll say Kwanza.

If you are experiencing more than two of the following do something about it:
  1. Fatigue even with a lot of rest.
  2. A sore throat that won't quit even after antibiotics
  3. Persistent fever
  4. Swollen lymph nodes at your neck and arm pits, if you don't know what those are look for another symptom
  5. Swollen tonsils
  6. Persistent headache
  7. Skin rash, when you say you have one don't show people. Wait to be asked. No one likes a friendly flasher.
  8. Loss of appetite maybe make a note of the last thing you ate.
  9. Nightsweats this should be particularly noticeable because it's winter.
  10. Swollen spleen if you can't tell, look for another symptom.
Most importantly, if you think you have mononucleosis, tell whatever professional physician you believe you have it or else it maybe musical diagnosis. 
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
29 November 2011 @ 08:52 pm
Sound advice if you're the type to take it. If not, well, I'm too preoccupied to laugh at you and say I told you so. Do it yourself.

I do have one question though, why do these things keep popping up now and then? Is it a morbid Christmas present?

My one added approach is to keep a hand mirror might help be away of what's behind you. Awareness isn't always preventative. 
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
25 November 2011 @ 08:27 pm

[Blip! On goes the network device. Have an unflattering up angle at the bristly chin of House.]

Let's be real. It's on your calender. And for at least eleven months out of the year you don't think about how warm and fuzzy you are, how far you'll travel or even the prayer you're going to say. People say Thanksgiving and you think about [the network device is now hovering before a plate that's pretty much a small buffet] this.

[Closer! Over the mountain of mashed potatoes and it's lava flow of gravy. He even turns the plate on the counter top. There are voices coming from another room indistinct, so yeah he is taking time to pull away and do this.]

Do you see this? Four days. Four days of this. No regrets.

[Behold the glory of green bean casserole. Beside it of course stuffing. Turkey slices, light and dark. Oops. Too close the screen fogs over. House flips it back around to rub it off on his t-shirt.]

People pay extra for a channel of this. Hours and hours. You get this for free. You're welcome.

[One last look then back to that wrinkled face.]

As I was saying... Thanksgiving should be renamed. That's not how people spend it. It's not how they remember it. Just a day for thankfulness? [Scrunched up thoughtful face as if he's listening for a response. Wait. Is that a veiled positive sentiment? The moment has passed!] Whatever. Day of gluttony. I'm not sorry.
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
29 October 2011 @ 06:30 pm
Because we don't have extra room on the hospital admission forms, I will say this publicly:

If you have been bit by a werewolf, vampire, mutant spider, zombie or something infectious, contagious or otherwise pretty vital to your own damn diagnosis please be sure to let people know.

And no more lupine lupus jokes. They're not funny.
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
22 October 2011 @ 12:12 pm
Can I get a quick poll? How many people here actually watch scary movies? ....how many of you went into one of those houses?

I have a sneaking suspicion--or maybe I should say creeping suspicion-- that people that have not actually went through with it. People that have seen horror movies and waltzed on in, well, that is not only a display of a lack of common sense but disregard for self preservation. Maybe even a death wish.

How close am I?
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
28 September 2011 @ 12:22 am
I demand an explaination for this. No. I'm not talking about Claire.

I know that it doesn't make sense. That's a cop out. Everyone says that this place has no logic, but everything makes sense somehow in its way. There's a method or mode that it's exicuted. Is there a quota to be filled? Some kind of a request order for some preestablished critieria for those that stay or go?
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
22 September 2011 @ 03:30 pm

[Hey network. Here is Dr. House at his desk in his office. He's looking scruffy as ever. Maybe a bit more haggered now that we really look at him.]

Black and white. Blah blah blah. I want to know exactly what is wrong with this picture.

[He holds a small white bottle the portion of it that isn't covere by his fingers shows labels for the City General Hospital prescription for House, Gregory. With an unnecessary flourish he opens the bottle then tips it upside down. Out tumbles one white pill. Just one.]
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
28 August 2011 @ 08:38 pm
This man is an unfit parent. Nouns are not names. A living being has a proper name especially when it is dependent on your successful, in this case unsuccessful, nuturing. 

Cameron and I can offer a far superior homelife. Normal in fact. I would have thought better of you. It's one thing to make a bad decision on the company you keep, it's another thing entirely to condone abuse. Then again I always knew you had a sick streak.

I never thought I'd say this but Chase, talk some sense.

[ooc; cursed. very cursed.]
Doctor Gregory House, M.D.
05 August 2011 @ 03:22 pm
 For reference, I am capable of giving out compliments that do not have any kind of backhanded insult attached. 

Cameron, you have pretty hair.

Chase, you have pretty hair.

Ta-da. And that's uncursed. I don't know why everyone is so reliant on ass kissing. Anyone can give compliments. When they're doled out on rare occasion like Grandma's fine china it means more. Chew on that.